Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
