I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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