The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
