Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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