You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
