i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
