He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
