kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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