Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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