You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
