I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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