i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize