I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Life is so much better after having sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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