Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
