My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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