He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
