There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
