And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
