somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
