so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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