as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
