"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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