dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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