Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
