I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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