omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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