Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someone shit on the floor
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
