You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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