What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
