as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
