He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
