Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
