he wants to bone in the snuggie
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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