so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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