i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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