so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
