did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
worst night to have a conscience
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ttyl tear gas
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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