Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
