i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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