smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
