well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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