I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
