I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
