I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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