carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
