Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
