Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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