we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize