I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
