I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
