I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
