Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
