we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
