please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
