I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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