I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
