I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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