Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
