I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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