apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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