I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
