it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize