oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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