Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
