how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
