Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
