I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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