I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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