That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
