well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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