What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A+ Viking dick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
